tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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