I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
