i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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