Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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