My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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