Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize