it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
