why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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