I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
