Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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