I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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