yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
