Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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