Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Im part way to drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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