I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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