My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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