she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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