I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
