I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize