Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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