well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
