you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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