Nicole vs. Life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
