So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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