I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
