I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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