My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Randomize
