Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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