Betty ford says i'm here all night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
