Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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