Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
