oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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