they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
