Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
