if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize