someone owes me an orgasm
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize