I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
