This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
