the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
