Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
