wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
