Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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