I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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