Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
