I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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