i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
