We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
