Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
