Screwed.edu
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
