Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she smelled like a LAN party
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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