D3 body, D1 cock
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
