Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
