her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
