Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
