I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
