how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You're like the curious george of whores
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
