i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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