You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
