yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
