this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
