you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
