I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
