I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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