Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he thought i was a dude.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
