Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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