look no pants
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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