You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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