i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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